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I love the outdoors.  I’m no granola, but I do wear fleece and drink from Camelbak water bottles and keep a bike rack on my car almost year ’round.  I like to swim and camping is sweet and biking is absolutely my drugs.  Two of my favorite books are A Walk In The Woods by Bill Bryson and The High Adventures Of Eric Ryback by Eric Ryback.  One is about the Appalachian Trail and the other is about the Pacific Crest Trail and both are fantastic.  Each has made me love the outdoors more and has made me more sensitive to environmental issues.  Now there’s a new movie out which will surely make you feel the opposite about Mother Nature.

Starting this January 13th, now available on DVD from Famous Production and Paramount Studios Home Entertainment comes the sequel about life in the wild when you lose your raft.  Without A Paddle – Nature’s Calling is ready to come bursting out of your television screen and show you just how crazy stuff gets way deep in the woods.  Bring home this mediocre tribute to the outdoors today!

Two best friends have drifted apart since high school.  One is a nurse and the other an attorney.  The nurse’s favorite patient is dying and asks him to find her granddaughter, along with her British half-grandson.  The nurse convinces the lawyer and the Brit to come with him, so they do, but the directions they get into the woods are horrible.  It seems that she has turned into an ecological warrior hippie, but they set out to find her anyway.  That’s when the mobsters and squirrels get involved and they lose their raft.  This movie stars no one I recognized from any other movie.  Ever.  Well, Jerry Rice is in it, but that just makes me want to cry.

The special features included in this DVD are a featurette about the making of this film, a reel of bloopers, a bunch of funny deleted scenes, a look at the treehouse the movie was shot in and what was supposed to be a funny featurette about an actor they hired to play the squirrel.

The eco-hippies were hot, but not enough so to make me enjoy watching the movie.  The America-centrist crowd will get a laugh out of the incompetent and metrosexual British half-brother, but the poop jokes aren’t funny, even to a third grader.  This movie was not funny at all and it was appallingly unfunny.  Based off of the first movie, which was terrible yet still had a couple of redeeming jokes and Burt Reynolds, I wasn’t expecting this movie to shatter my film world.  Nonetheless, there was not even a slight impact and that made me sad.  I did not laugh one single time and I will laugh at even the slightest excuse to do so.  This movie is awful and a complete waste of time.